… sitting on my parquet floor… resisting the urge to get up every time I think of something I want or need to do… fighting the impulse to text or phone someone… battling the compulsion to check my email… struggling against the inclination to rearrange furniture or knick knacks… succumbing to the tendency to use elipses… trying desperately to be still.
Still is a state I don’t often let myself be in. Still is a state that I covet and fear.
… brainstorming ways in which I can build my community… imagining methods by which I can connect more to the community I already have… contemplating my ideas of what exactly a ‘community’ entails… considering that my best way to be a better community member is to give myself time to be alone.
Alone is a status that can rarely describe me. Solitude is a luxury in which I rarely indulge.
…cross-legged in solitary stillness… I am breathing you in and out for as long as I can…