alone and happy

I’ve been a bit overstimulated lately, I think. 

I think I may have lost my ability to sit and think, and think about what I think, and think about my reactions to those reactions and so on and on…

I am an only child, and a good portion of my childhood was consumed by these moments.  Whether I was colouring with crayons, walking through the forest, capturing grasshoppers, playing my trumpet, swimming in a lake, or staring at my ceiling, I was frequently lost in my own thoughts.

 My partner and roommate has left the city the same day that our dear friend has gone back to his home city.  I have the house to myself for 3 days. 

The first thing I did was to rearrange a room.  It is my favourite room, but I can never quite figure out what to do with it.  I think that might be what I love about it so much.  It’s versatile and malleable.  It’s bright with natural light..  It’s filled with plants.  There are 83-year-old hardwood floors.  It is stuffed to the brim with books, games, craft suppplies, and collections.  The door has been taken off,  yet it feels like a separate world from the rest of the house.

I just ate my dinner in here by myself.  I’m sitting on my one-person futon, with a glass of white wine.  The Room is softly lit, and I have been listening to Regina Spektor for the last 2.5 hours.  Her voice is rich.  The piano notes are full.  She reminds me of Tori Amos.  She makes me miss Ani Difranco.  This reminds me of Tegan and Sara.  This music is undoubtably mine. 

I just briefly looked away from the screen and looked straight into the depths of a ‘ripely’ blossomed white easter lily.  The yellow pollen is fuzzy and looks like it’s so ready to be polinated it could literally drip off the stamen.  Instead, it is stuck in my Room.  It was once a dining room, then a spare bedroom, now it’s just a Room. 

A Room where I feel calm.

A Room where I can read this line  

 “Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away.”

– Philip K. Dick, 1978:  How to Build a Universe That Doesn’t Fall Apart Two Days Later

from a piece I stumbled upon, and feel inspired to write a post for the first time since the beginning of April.

A Room where I will continue to read


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